MISSISSIPPI – Cola Warrior, the first step in transitioning genders, has just announced a change of venue. Normally held at random shit holes around the US, this year’s competition will be held during the next UC Berkeley protest.
“Best way to train pounding sugar drinks and beating commies? At a commie rally” explained “Custard Ace” (Internet handle for the Cola Warrior founder)
A large group of commies are known to nest at UC Berkeley, train to stifle free speech and ideas, and hunt TRUMP soup porters.
“A bonus is that after we do the obstacle course we can pepper spray these hippies and toss ’em in the connex box”
UC Berkeley has been in the news a lot recently, mainly for incredibly violent protests against violence. Anti Fascists soldiers are known to play grab-ass on the campus and attack patriots.
Colon Warrior is a fitness/shooting/chugging competition that has been growing and growing over the years. Participants are encouraged to build an official Colon Warrior AR (CWAR for short, pronounced like queer) and practicing eating peeps and chugging soda.
When pressed for further information, Custard Ace babbled about “The Hitlerverse” before running off into the woods.
Cola Warrior Official Video