If we DQ Everyone, We can Keep the Prizes for Ourselves!

Not Florida, USA – Safety is #1 in the shooting sports, especially in the ITPA (International Tactical Pistoling Association).  As match staff, you can claim safety to justify anything you want!  That includes knocking people off the prize tables so you can keep all those glorious freebies for yourself.  Because everyone needs another bushing wrench, or a certificate for 50% reloading tools.  Keep reading to learn how you, the real heros of the sport, can guide the prizes to your own team of Safety Officials and other Match Staff.  Hint: just DQ everyone!

How Do You DQ Everyone?

You can do that however you want.  “Oh, your CZ safety isn’t engaged in DA?  You’re OUT!”  “Hey, you, you kinda maybe pointed your muzzle slightly above parallel with the ground when you reloaded, DQ!”  “You went so fast, you probably did something unsafe.  BYE, FELICIA!”  Really, the creativity with which you DQ people is part of the value you provide in return for their match fees.  Remember too, safety calls can’t be arbitrated in the ITPA, so you can always say “uh, yea, he had his finger in the trigger while reloading!”  And guess what?  They just have to sit there and take it.

This game is all about Tactical-ing.  So, you need to be tactical about how you implement the rules.  If you can articulate an argument about the Founders’ Intent, then you’re golden– it doesn’t even have to be a good reason or have a rule backing it!  Just make up whatever local rules you want.  All the local clubs were doing it, so the competitors should EXPECT to get rule-fucked at any moment at a major match, right?  That’s all part of the experience!

Why Be So Mean?

First of all, it’s not mean.  It’s training!  These shooters need to understand who’s the boss!  If they didn’t slip you the expected wheel grease in advance, then they just don’t understand, yet.  But they gon lurn.  If you threaten to DQ everyone, and actually DQ most people, that sends a strong message.

prize table

Also, why should the shooters get all that sweet prize table nectar?  They just get to walk around all day and have fun shooting stuff.  If you’re staff, YOU are the ones actually working hard and putting in the hours!  You deserve prizes, dammit!  So, knock out a few more shooters and help your nest egg grow.

Repercussions

This section is important.  You need to get your chain of command on your side, because inevitably, shooters will argue and complain if you DQ everyone.  If your Regional Coordinator is on your side, then they can protect you.  You can also give the impression that you care, too.  After you DQ like a bajillion shooters, wait more than an hour after the match and have the RC call the DQ’d shooters.  Tell them “oh yea, you were right, sorry. But yea, no, yea, it’s too late to change it.”

Remember, too, that this is all about training people for tactical living. So if they complain much, just give tell them that the Founders are disappointed in them.  That D word hurts a lot.  So be prepared for a lot of the D in your role.

 

Nom de Plume

Started shooting guns with my daddy. Shoot a lot of guns now. Hope to teach my grandson how to shoot one day.

  • bob_h

    I take strong offense to this article. As an SO I do not DQ every shooter possible to get better swag from the prize table – I do it so I can eat their cookies…

    • Rballz

      Nice to have some real insight!