Internet, America – The beloved team of special urban operators over at Dynamic Pie Concepts recently announced that they are shuttering their doors (and probably windows) due to shifting preferences in the marketplace.
From the Operators
“We are completely blindsided. We thought pie was an American staple, but it turns out people are soft spined. Someone puts a little more sugar into cake, and BAM, pie is no longer en vogue,” says Brett Cyprus, operator extraordinaire.
“We tried incorporating cake, but cake is incompatible with our core operating weapons system platform.” DPC does indeed utilize proprietary operating methodologies within their area of operations.
Not much is known about the internal practices of the group. Some speculate that they have Seal Team 14 on retainer, hidden somewhere in a parent’s basement. Others speculate that they just make shit up and add really cool videos about it. No one really know, though.
In the early two-thousand teens, American preferences for pie peaked. Economists call this Peak Pie. Dynamic Pie Concepts rode this wave to great success, maximizing their integrated form of training evolutions across multiple target audience engagement vectors. However, starting in late 2015, Americans began preferring cake.
Some economists speculate that this was caused by global warning. Global warming scientists eagerly agree, citing this as another example of why climate change funding is needed. Ultimately though, static cake overtook dynamic pies in late 2016, and there’s no change in sight.
Shooting Industry Impact
Experts across the industry expect the loss of DPC to be devastating. Respected expert Mick Foley says that the loss “will probably destroy the vibrant Hi Point market.” He referred to the extremely popular Ultimate Hi-Point by DPC, a favored pistol often promoted by international sushi critic Bill Stoogen. However, our own analysis expects a more tempered industry impact.
Dynamic Pie Concepts could reinvent themselves. Many in the shooting world would welcome a reborn Dynamic Cupcake Concepts, or a A Dynamic Frozen Yoghurt Concepts. Both cupcakes and frozen yoghurts enjoy strong demand, especially among the coveted young hipster foodie demographic.
Only time will tell.