Glock Releases New Glock G19b Handgun

Smyrna, GA – Glock today announced a new member of their esteemed G19 line: the Glock G19b handgun.  The “b” designation in the Glock G19b represents “the next general of polymer pistols” said a Glock representative.  He went on to say “we’ve cut-back the expensive QC processes.  Simultaneously, we’ve added lower quality materials into critical components, such as the striker”.  Industry experts widely believe the G19b is Glock’s answer to Sig’s newest pistol offerings.

Prototypes of the G19b
Prototypes of the G19b

According to Glock promotional materials, the “b” stands for “broken”, and it serves a category of firearms so-far ignored by Glock: the Broke-Ass Gun.  In addition to the de-refined striker, the G19b also ships with at least one component installed backwards.  It will be up to the user to identify which part must be reinstalled.  Similar to other pistol offerings in the B.A.G. category, the G19b is guaranteed to crack the slide within the first two years of ownership.  Glock is offering a Satisfaction Guarantee to that last part, promising to send out a celebrity wrestler to break your gun with a sledge hammer if it fails to fail within two years from the purchase date.

Glock Spokesperson Toni Nokanoka, posing next to an 8′ tall replica of a G19b with an offset barrel crown, says that “new gun owners expect a certain amount of break in and problems with their new weapons.  We have been remiss in providing them with that experience.  We can learn from SIG and give them something to fix. That makes them feel like real GUN OWNERS”.

Ever since losing the recent military contract to the Sig P320, Glock has been lagging in sales of Broke-Ass Guns.  The G19b may help Glock penetrate that already saturated market.  However, many wonder if it’s a full-ass attempt at solving this half-assed problem.  Glock reps were quick to assuage concerns by pointing out that the G19b will ship “with a fidget spinner, so customers will have something to do while waiting on hold.  We think the on-hold experience is an important part of buying a broken gun.”

Nom de Plume

Started shooting guns with my daddy. Shoot a lot of guns now. Hope to teach my grandson how to shoot one day.