New Gorge, PA – Researchers at the New Gorge Pizza Shoppe have invented a new application for a common material as a replacement for the common metallic cartridge. According to biological researcher Steven “Hop Head” Hiller, common hemp can be woven into casings for bullets.
“So, like, hemp is really useful, man. I mean, it doesn’t global warming the planet, and, like, it’s really good rope. So tell me why we can’t make casings out of it? People have been lighting hemp on fire for years, man!” Hiller insists that hemp can be both the casing and the propellant. When asked about his experience with firearms, Hiller said “they’re, like, in serious need of some relaxation and calm enhancement. Everybody is going to be real mellow after using these, man.”
The exact method of manufacturing is still proprietary, but Hiller promises that “this will be a grassroots production process. We won’t let corporations ruin this by raping our planet.” His initial production estimates remain to be announced, but he added that “we’re going to make dozens of these every week, maybe more if we don’t get raided again.” He was referring to a DEA raid last year that severely impacted his access to “the good shit, man.”
His company is called Global Peace Smoke Rope, Man, Inc., and they are listed on the Nasdaq.