Order of Kentucky First Colonels Inducts Major Political Figure

Kentucky, Duh – The Honorable Order of Kentucky First Colonels today inducted a high-profile political figure into its ranks.  Former Presidential candidate and current Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT) stood for parts of the four hour long induction ceremony, at which he became the first Colonel from Vermont.

Kentucky First Colonels Induction

The induction takes place outside on some historic site, prolly.  Despite a crisp wind, attendees stayed warm thanks to the golden warming buckets placed throughout the crowd.  Elders give new members an elaborate medallion, presented on the fabled Hospitality Dish.  Afterwards, the new Colonel gives a speech, followed by a prediction about the upcoming Kentucky Buckets’ football game.

Kentucky First Colonels Football Team
Kentucky First Colonels’ Football Team Plays on This

A Speech

Speaking to the crowd, Sanders said “nobody does hospitality like the Kentucky Colonels.”  Later, he continued “this new era will be one of Colonel Quality, Guaranteed!”  Afterwards, in response to questions about his short stature, he responded “everybody needs a little KFC!”

Not Without Conflict

Others in the community complained about the move, however.  They cited problems with the remains of previous Orders, many of which left people with a taste in their mouths and fingers.  “There’s fast groups, and then there’s KFC.”  He referred to fast talking that other groups use to sell “drive through” communities on their money schemes.

Nom de Plume

Started shooting guns with my daddy. Shoot a lot of guns now. Hope to teach my grandson how to shoot one day.