Patriots Relieved of Every Day Carry Gear at Monthly Buffalo Wild Wings Pocket Dump!

Secaucus, New Jersey – The North Jersey Nutnfancy fan club got a shock last Saturday at their monthly meet up when an armed assailant stole their gear.

Monthly Gathering

The group meets monthly at the Secaucus Buffalo Wild Wings to discuss the latest installment of the Mosin Nagant series that their hero NutN has been working on for the past several years.  The first two hours of every meeting is dedicated to watching part of the new Nutn video, followed by various discussions and comparisons of the one piece of gear from the video.

Part of the group’s tradition is to conduct a POCKET DUMP! and show off the EVERYDAY CARRY (EDC) gear that they have with them that particular day. Leatherman tools, pocket knives, multipurpose keychains, and ultrathin wallets are in vogue with the group. Each member tries to outdo the other with the coolest and latest in EDC gear.  This fashion show usually concludes with a group photo session, during which the dumped gear is posed and photographed stylistically for publication in Instagram.

Pocket Dump

Apparently during this pocket dump photo shoot, the sneaky thief casually pocketed each item after it was photographed, since everyone else was consumed by the posing and lighting of the next photo.  Speculating that their assailant may have seen them do this before and had planned the attack in advance, the group’s leader Vincent “Vinnie” Pompino says that “We’re gonna find him and we’re gonna make em pay! Does he have any idea about my uncle Sal? My uncle Sal had connections!”

Member Louis “Louie” Citranello said that he lost a Gerber Center-Drive multitool, a Benchmade knife, two Spyderco knives, a Swiss Army knife, his car keys, his house keys, a SOF Tactical Tourniquet, 400′ of paracord bracelet and anklets, and his Ridge Carbon Fiber cash strap / money clip along with several hundred dollars of gold jewelry.  He described his pocket dump as a “modest loss compared to some other guys.”

No Leads

Police have no leads or description of the thief as the group hit the floor when their assailant pulled out “a pretty big gun, maybe a 50 caliber,” according to one witness.  Nunfancy fan club recording secretary Maria Scrangraletti says she thinks it was probably “some moolie from Irvington – I seen him get into an Escalade with gold rims when I tactically peaked up as he left.”  Security footage at the restaurant recorded a blue Miata leaving the parking lot at the time.

Changes?

Vinnie had this to say as we were wrapping up – “I’m talkin to you Governor Christie, you fat mamaluke [sic]. You gotta allow us to concealed carry our pieces wit us at these things. You know – maybe not everybody, but for us – for us goodfellas – it just makes sense.”

  • David Black

    This is why I stay out of New GERMANY (Jersey)

    • Mett Chanlee

      Stay out of Germany bruv

  • Robert “Bob” Dobalina

    Have a cousin in that area.