PREPPER REPORT – Essential Hurricane Preps

Hurricane Irma is bearing down on at least 450 separate locations somewhere in the United States.   Jim Cantore is gearing up to pretend to fall down from high wind speeds and The Feed Ramp wants to help you polish the most important feed ramp of all – your PREPS.

  1. Booze – most people think you need water but – newsflash – Irma will bring water to your front door!  Why bother?  Everyone is out buying water.  Unless you’re going to resell the water to morons – just get beer and Zima.
  2. Condoms – Don’t have hurricane babies
  3. Implement Sharia Law to maintain order
  5. LIFESTRAW to filter rain you collect from condoms, beer piss, and PONCHO
  6. Pull Start kit for a small block V8 so you can make a generator
  7. Survival Jewelry – let people know you’re ready to survival
  8. Pot Needles to trade to hippies for supplies
  9. Kit for your Ruger LCP
  10. Mosin Nagant Sling – bury as many Mosins as you can around your AO
  11. Proper MRE – Clean BULK
  12. Whey Protein – mix with hurricane water to keep gains and maintain physique
  13. Keto Diet stuff – Keto diet can cure hurricane inflammations
  14. Games to keep yourself occupied
  15. Pedicure kit to keep your nails on point
  16. Open all faucets and windows before landfall – difference in pressure can be equalized
  17. Decide if you should evacuate within 10 minutes of landfall – try to maintain a BAC of 0.20
  18. Make sure drains are clean or you will flood
  19. End DACA now
  20. IF you spot GEORGE SOROS – evacuate immediately
  21. Ignore all LEO notifications
  22. Remember, there’s no constitutional authority for a hurricane.

If you have any more suggestions please leave them on Facebook or in the comments section.  We can update this list if we have forgotten something important.