Ogden, UT – Researchers from the J. M. Browning Historical Society unearthed a rare artifact from over 100 years ago. Excavators pulled up a time capsule last week, buried by John Moses Browning in 1910 at his childhood home. Browning is best known for inventing the 1911 handgun.
“I been diggin a hole here, here, and over there, trying to find things in the dirt” said Satia Muerthy, the lead researcher. “I like to find old things in the dirt.” he continued. “The 1911 handgun is the finest tool ever invented, and John Moses Browning invented it. He is my hero. So, I hope to learn more about his appreciation of the 1911.”
Uncovered at approximately, oh, 3:15am Mountain Time, the cylindrical capsule is made of bronze. Researchers used hand tools only, ostensibly to preserve the artifacts, but mostly because of their adherence to antiquated technology. The hand-hammered garden spade struck the brass capsule, which was then removed from the ground. On the side was etched “1911” in large script. After using a can opener, the contents were removed.
The 1911 Letter
Most of the time capsule contained spare parts, along with notes about how to make them better. One letter contained some personal memoirs of the late Browning. “I fear that Our Army’s insistence on the larger, slower 45ACP cartridge will proof to history as one resounding error. As if we were like men throwing a ball in a game of sport, a lobbed egg could but not faire far worse than a more nimble cartridge of .38 caliber. Sent towards ourth enemy as more rapid pace, seems to me the utmore sensible choice. Alas, it is likely my legacy tied toeth that porpous round 45ACP, chagrin to attract all manner of bumbling fools to it here afterwards.” The letter contained several more pages, mostly lamenting the limited magazine capacity, which he once referred to as “the most retarded feature of the design.”
Researchers’ Next Steps
While continuing to dig deeper, Muerthy gasped “there’s got to be another letter! He can’t have meant that! There’s got to be another capsule, buried deeper than that, which recants!” His tears helped soften the earth as he dug deeper.
Members of the Facebook Group “1911 Fanatics” were already preparing funding for another expedition to Belgium. Belgium is where Browning eventually died. Currently. they are hoping to find counter-evidence to reinstate the supremacy for the M1911.