UN Panel Says Firearms Cause Global Warming

Brussels, Netherlands – Representatives from the United Nations’ IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) have announced new findings regarding the effect of firearms on climate change. The findings are being released in advance of their coveted Sixth Assessment Report.

The Findings

Pyter Flavanavor, head of the IPCC’s committee on recreational impacts on climate change, announced the impacts. “Firearms and their owners repersent an existential threat to our planet. They willingly and knowingly discharge firearms, harming our Earth.” Media present at the event pressed him to explain. “Firearms cause explosions, and explosions release heat and carbon dioxide. If we don’t take away all their guns, the oceans will overflow within the next 20 years, according to the models!!”

“Damning Cart” Shows Firearms Cause Global Warming

Flavanavor pointed additional questions to his “inarguable chart here.” Attached below is the exact chart released in the study. An excerpt from the report:

Clearly, the bad countries in the world need to be stopped. You can obviously see that the bars for the good countries are much lower. We propose an immediate ban on all new firearms and a $10,000 per box tax on ammunition. The revenues from the tax will be used to further fund my team’s research.

IPCC Climate Change from Firearms Chart
Chart 3B from the IPCC Sixth Assessment, showing “Adjusted CO2-Firearm Units” by country.

Nom de Plume

Started shooting guns with my daddy. Shoot a lot of guns now. Hope to teach my grandson how to shoot one day.