USPSA To Become More “Winner Friendly”

Burlington, WA – Who hasn’t gone to their first, second, or third match and done spectacularly badly? The kind of bad that made you tell your friends you never made it to the match due to a sudden bout of explosive diarrhea? We’ve all been there, and USPSA is partnering with Practiscore to do something about it.

Need More Winners!
 There are ongoing discussions centered around adding categories that will make the sport more “winner friendly.” While this is not an all-inclusive list, confidential sources say that additions such as:
 “I’m honestly not sure what my gender is anymore”
“I’m just here with my husband
“There was no IDPA this weekend”
“My jersey’s too tight for me to be taken seriously”
“Power Factor: 3Gun
and
Hi-point

 are being considered as trend-setting alternatives to the current “Lady,” “Military,” “Junior,” and “Older than sliced bread” options.

Budget Buster?

While match directors are feverishly recalculating their trophy budgets, Practiscore has told The FeedRamp, “People want to feel good about themselves, they want to win, and that simply isn’t possible with the fierce competition and talent that’s currently bogging down USPSA’s ranks. Noobs wanna go home and brag to their bros that they came in top-5 at their first match ever – we want to provide that avenue. We feel that this move is in the best interest of growing the sport, and encouraging participation by the masses.”

Schedule A?

Participants will have the options to “category stack” – checking as many boxes as they need to in order to achieve a suitably narrow field of competition. Adult males with no psychological disorders, gender identity crises, sponsors, disabilities, 1911’s, AARP cards, or vaginas will be offered an automatic two category allotment of their choosing… similar to the standardized deduction on a tax return. This is intended to offer boring regular dudes the same opportunities for high placement as everybody else.

Exciting!

 The excitement among young, attractive women who are new to the sport and have no intention of actually becoming proficient is palpable: “This is, like, great news.” said ‘Danger Gun Tigress‘ of instagram fame. “Girls with guns are so IN right now… and it would be like, super cool, if I could win, too. Oh, and thanks FemDom Gunworks for my new bedazzled grips!”

Stay Tuned!

 An official list of all available “improved” categories is expected to be published by the end of 2017.

Special Correspondent Lorna for The Feed Ramp
  • David Black

    USPSA is going in the wrong direction on this. Too many divisions and too many categories dilutes the field and makes it difficult to see who the real winners are.

    DO NOT LIKE.

  • KTM

    David Black: Not sure if serious…..

    • David Black

      I’m not going to win high overall anytime soon, but if I ever get to that point I want it to mean something, not be because all the divisions are watered down to the point of being irrelevant.