Burlington, WA – WHITE SMOKE! White smoke appears from the USPCCSA HQ buildings, heralding forth that El Prez retains the throne!
The result of the execution proceedings will fall short of the petitioned beheading by guillotine that was requested from some members. BoD members could be seen exiting the USPCCSA Cooper Chapel, clearly exhausted, sweating, and visibly shaken, as they were chauffeured away to their private airport and dedicated Area jets. Breaking with protocol, an Area Director’s aide yelled out to a reporter in passing “El Prez NOT Executed today!”
Almost over a 100 hours ago, Emperor El Prez began his moments-long rampage through the entirety of one social media post. His tyrannical endeavor laid waste to years of distinguished service to his organization, threatening to wipe away his years-long legacy in fewer than a few hundred words. Clearly, the powder keg had been filled some time ago, as an army of righteous internet warrior accepted their mantle to remove the newly self-crowned Supreme Leader.
Since then, the USPCCSA BoD convened a secret conclave at which proper discipline could be determined. Our embedded reporters described for us a fraction of the horrors unleashed against the now-subjugated Emperor. Due to our high editorial standards, we cannot post many those details here. What we can share is that El Prez was subjected to a vigorous and enthusiastic flogging by Jack Martini. However, the public statements from the BoD reveal that expected administrative sanctions apply, but no other permanent censure is deemed necessary. No termination at this time.
Views from the peanut gallery vary wildly. Some rejoiced in the new continuation of the current administration. Others broke down in tears, wailing and gnashing their teeth at the prospect of being ruled by the same Dictator as they were ruled by yesterday. Still others looked up to their religious leaders for guidance. A common refrain of that group included “Beneo Confidimus” chanted in the Gregorian style.
Despite the upheaval from the long couple days, many expect life to go on. Events seem to be returning, advertisements for popular matches are flying around, and off in the distance somewhere the echos of a malfunctioning 9mm major Open gun echo off the berms.
UPDATE: This article has been edited to remove unnecessary details of the farm animals involved.