Grand Island, NE – The annual USPSA Area 3 Championship posted strong DQ growth year over year. This year’s match disqualified 27 competitors from the field of 391 participants. Last year’s match had 21 DQs. Sherlock “The ‘Stache” Bluefield, the match director, said of the achievement “we’re very proud of this year’s almost 30% growth rate. Our projections for next year easily top 35 DQs, and we’re researching how to maximize female and junior DQs.”
How They Did It
This year’s match featured a huge variety of non-shooting challenges. Most of the challenges allowed the shooters to invent new and exciting ways for them to violate the safety rules. One stage, previously reported at The Feed Ramp as the “Dildo Carwash” stage, involved shooters pushing large novelty penises around inside the confines of a “love tunnel” as some called it. Several shooters took the opportunity to place their hands or arms in front of their muzzle, apparently unaware of how to act safely while surrounded by dicks in a large vagina.
Another stage titled “Fishing for DQs” invited female and junior shooters to pull an activation rope. The rope provided a randomly generated amount of resistance in the pull, allowing some shooters to lose their balance and fall. Julia Golum, a Factory Pro shooter from the harsh desert planet Tatooine, posted a video showing her battle with the rope. She survived, but just barely. The Range Officers held true to the cause, and they quickly rejected any protest regarding so-called “competitive equity”. Paraphrasing one official, “the random activation weight was equally unpredictable for all shooters.”
Yet another stage seemed to target left-handed shooters. As is well known, lefties are wrong and should be hated. A stage with sliding walls required wrong-handed shooters to reach across their body with a rope, while shooting across themselves with their dominant hand. These two tasks overwhelmed the already-deficient lefties, causing many of them to sweep their hands.
And yet another stage required shooters to enter into the middle section of large tractor/truck tires laying on their side. This stage seemed to target the smaller shooters, such as the junior shooters, as well as the very fat or nearly-disabled shooters. Entering and exiting the tires proved too difficult for some, thereby removing some of the juvenile and obese from the gameplay.
Plans to Continue Strong DQ Growth
The ‘Stache highlighted some of the initiatives for next year’s DQ target. “I think we can sustain a 20% DQ growth rate for another couple years,” Bluefield, said. “There are several under-utilized DQ rules these days, including 10.5.12. Next year, we might have a stage with extra mags starting on the Safety Table. Or, we might have several Safety Tables embedded within the shooting area, so if a competitor shoots or reloads while crossing through one of those, they will be DQ’d.” Bluefield hinted at other creative strategies as part of the overall strong DQ growth plan, and The Feed Ramp will update as more details become public.
“I’d like to explore ten-sixing competitors who complain about the stages, too. We don’t have any test cases exploring how that rule [USPSA Handgun Competition Rules, Feb 2014, Rule 10.6] could be applied. If we had tried that this year, we might have had as much as 70% growth in DQs!”
Competitors generally expressed satisfaction with the trend. One Limited-10 shooter remarked “I think adding DQs is a great idea! We could increase match registration significantly and finish earlier in the day if more competitors DQ’d early on.” Another competitor, who shoots for Ikea Custom Firearms and Hookah Supplies, seemed even more excited about the initiatives. “I don’t shoot too good, and I don’t do some other things too good neither, so anything that increases the DQings of better shooters sounds great for me!”
What Do You Think?
What do you think about all of this? In favor of it? Opposed? Confused and not sure where you are? Tell us in the comments!!