The Ten Types Of Gun Owners

The Competitor

Obsessively buys gear thinking it will help them win the next match. Refuses to practice.  Paid for their “sponsored” shirt.

The Tactician

Takes four courses a month and has James Yeager on speed dial. Refuses to compete because “training scars”. Lives life in condition RED.

The Instagram Model

Every shot, every move, every well – everything, is carefully choreographed for maximum Instagram hits. Never posts a photo without using a filter.

The Sig Snob

Thinks their over-engineered, oversized DA/SA pistol is the best ever because Austrian. Foolishly buys the same gun three times because Sig releases it in a different color.  Knows what “Legion” means. (Over-priced gun with shitty finish)

The Trainer

The most helpful (annoying) person you’ll ever meet on the range. Typically can’t hit a damn thing but is full of advice on how you can get better.  Stage 5 Clinger of the gun world.

The Bullseye

Shoots at tiny targets at a painfully slow pace. Thinks IDPA is dangerously fast paced.

The Accesorizer

Obsessively buys gear thinking it will help them win the fight in the food court. Refuses to practice.  Carries enough flashlights to illuminate an NFL game.

The Nothing But A Glock

Not just a Glock, but a Glock 19 because James Yeager.

The “Because The Navy Seals”

Unable to think for him or herself. Sees what the NAVY SEALS are using so must use it too.  Has zero actual knowledge of SPECOPS.

The YouTuber

Carefully balances iPhone in one hand while doing something incredibly complicated with the other. Great source for how to videos that either cut out right when you need certain information or for an incredibly blurry shot of same.

The Eastern Bloc

Only uses weapons that the former Soviet Union used. Believes that the AR platform is unproven and unreliable. Also the source for steel case 9×18 cases that are the bane of reloaders.

The “I’m Only Doing This For My Husband / Boyfriend”

Trying desperately to please their spouse. Not really interested in guns. Would rather be anywhere else.  Questionable gun handling.

The “1911 As It Was Intended”

Because that’s how JOHN MOSES BROWNING designed it, THAT’S WHY!

If you can think of another – tell us in the comments!


25 thoughts on “The Ten Types Of Gun Owners

  • March 2, 2017 at 7:35 am

    The Collector – buys all the latest guns but never shoots them.

  • March 2, 2017 at 9:57 am

    The ipro… cuz everybody HAS to see his actions in first person!

  • March 2, 2017 at 3:07 pm

    The Accumulator – if you have less than 20 guns, you’re an amateur.

    • March 6, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      And your point? :-/

      • March 6, 2017 at 3:00 pm

        Well said

      • March 7, 2017 at 9:41 am

        No comment 😀

    • May 1, 2017 at 11:40 pm

      There is finally an equation to decide the perfect number of guns.

      No. Of guns owned = n to find the correct number of guns solve the following. n+( (22*2-6)/3 – 1)

      • May 2, 2017 at 10:46 am

        Wile E. Coyote genius

  • March 2, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    The cowboy, thinks everything should be quick-draw and single action. owns a Colt 45 and fast-draw western belt and holster. But shoots their self in the foot while practicing….

    • March 3, 2017 at 2:57 pm

      With a name like Wyatt Oakley….

      • March 4, 2017 at 7:44 am

        That’s my name! I was named after Wyatt Earp, I don’t know about the Oakley though….. Lots of people called me Annie Oakley when I was growing up…….LOL
        And would you believe that I’m a True Die-hard born and bred TEXAN!!!!!!!!!

    • March 5, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      nothing wrong with single action armies. I have to admit if my range allowed it I’d try dual weilding them against steel plates at least once.

  • March 3, 2017 at 12:22 am

    The Fudd: Can’t understand why anyone would need a 30 round clip. Thinks hunting with semi-auto rifles will make the woods like another ‘Nam. Only handgun is a Ruger Bearcat .22 LR single action revolver. Gets “old betsy” (Marlin lever action 30-30) out once a year to sight it in for deer season.

    • March 6, 2017 at 2:50 pm

      Be vewy-vewy quiet, we’re hunting wabbits!

  • March 3, 2017 at 8:25 am

    The Pro Hunter – has all the latest gear, a $1k hunting suit, shiny expensive rifle … never shot an animal in his life.

  • March 3, 2017 at 11:57 am

    You forgot the Range Bunny. Super cute 5’1″ chick with cleavage, tactical
    hat, and tight jeans shooting better than her muscle bound boyfriend.
    Makes that excited face every time she touches off a round out of her
    12ga. as though she was slapped on the ass and really liked it. She’s
    typically surrounded by all those on the range but The Tactician because
    The Tactician has no time for this nonsense.

    • March 4, 2017 at 9:44 am

      My wife is no bunny…but put a rifle in her hands and a target downrange and I assure you I will NEVER think about cheating…

      • March 5, 2017 at 7:44 am

        Mine is that way with a pistol! She out scored me on the range when we qualified for our handgun licenses!!

    • March 7, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Okay… sort of a range bunny story. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible, but trust me… it’s worth the payoff.

      Nearly ten years ago, I was at my local indoor range training a friend and running him through some simple drills. A blonde “range-bunny” walked in and started setting up in the lane next to ours. She was cute, and quite tiny… maybe 5 foot tall and about 90 pounds soaking wet.

      I was gawking at her a bit when her guy showed up… and he looked like a statue of some Greek god. He was about 6 foot 6 and at least 300 pounds of solid muscle. This guy was absolutely HUGE, handsome and chiseled features, and long blonde hair pulled back in a tail. I hate to say it, but I formed some ugly (and petty) opinions… oafy gym-rat… dumb muscle-head… etc. For some reason, my mind kept imagining a Schwarzenegger accent.

      He got this tiny waif of a girl set up and started training her. I was waiting to hear the inevitable idiocy… a muscle-bound mall ninja training a stereotypical blonde bimbo. Yup… I was totally stereotyping these two. And I was SO VERY WRONG.

      For starters, he was soft-spoken, very intelligent, and quite patient with her. And his training was good… solid tactical stances and drills without any of the stupidity. So now I’m starting to think… professional bodyguard? …maybe spec ops?

      So my friend keeps running through his drills, and the tiny girl is at the firing line shooting as well. Meanwhile ‘hulk’ and I are both hanging back watching, and helping when needed. We eventually start chatting, and he says he is active in various shooting sports, and has taken several courses at the Sig academy. I mentioned that I was an engineer, and he tells me that he got his industrial engineering degree from Purdue, but hasn’t used it… and he’s now taking some summer courses at Harvard business school. He’s extremely well-spoken and he and I chat on and off for the next hour or so… mostly about shooting sports. He eventually introduces himself as ‘Matt’ and his wife as ‘Susie’.

      We all finish shooting and pack up about the same time. I tell Matt and Susie it was nice to meet them. They get in a pickup truck and leave, and I go chat with the range manager. He asks me, “You weren’t bothering Matt, were you?”

      I tell him no, and ask why. He tells me that other people at the range sometimes pester Matt and become annoying. I ask (somewhat astonished), “Who the heck would bother that guy? He’s HUGE!”.

      The manager starts grinning and says, “You have NO idea who he is, do you?”

      I tell him no, that I only just met him. I tell him we had just sort of chatted on and off for an hour or so, and that he seemed like a solid guy.

      The manager starts laughing and tells me, “That was Matt Light… Patriots offensive tackle… that guy’s got three Superbowl rings!”

  • March 7, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Sigs aren’t Austrian! They’re Swiss/German/American!

  • March 7, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    The Label Maker:

    The guy that self righteously proclaims that everyone in the room is an idiot, except for him. Is able to place a witty saying or slogan on other shooters or enthusiasts, because they obviously don’t do it as right as he does. Usually nods knowingly during a discussion, moves on to the next guy to talk, and can only talk about how wrong the previous guy was.

  • April 22, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    “Tactical Timmy” only wears 5.11 in black ripstock, bohney hat and jump boots. Dumps 30rm mags from the hip at 10yds and brags about his accuracy. Washed out of “The Core” second week.

  • September 8, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    How about the “I carry so that everywhere I go will be a safe zone, for myself, my family & by default people around me, even ones I might not like.” Oh and “because ‘Murica!”

  • September 9, 2017 at 11:07 am

    Hi, my name is Billy and Im a Sig snob….

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