Burlington, WA – Who hasn’t gone to their first, second, or third match and done spectacularly badly? The kind of bad that made you tell your friends you never made it to the match due to a sudden bout of explosive diarrhea? We’ve all been there, and USPSA is partnering with Practiscore to do something about it.
Need More Winners!
are being considered as trend-setting alternatives to the current “Lady,” “Military,” “Junior,” and “Older than sliced bread” options.
While match directors are feverishly recalculating their trophy budgets, Practiscore has told The FeedRamp, “People want to feel good about themselves, they want to win, and that simply isn’t possible with the fierce competition and talent that’s currently bogging down USPSA’s ranks. Noobs wanna go home and brag to their bros that they came in top-5 at their first match ever – we want to provide that avenue. We feel that this move is in the best interest of growing the sport, and encouraging participation by the masses.”
Participants will have the options to “category stack” – checking as many boxes as they need to in order to achieve a suitably narrow field of competition. Adult males with no psychological disorders, gender identity crises, sponsors, disabilities, 1911’s, AARP cards, or vaginas will be offered an automatic two category allotment of their choosing… similar to the standardized deduction on a tax return. This is intended to offer boring regular dudes the same opportunities for high placement as everybody else.
The excitement among young, attractive women who are new to the sport and have no intention of actually becoming proficient is palpable: “This is, like, great news.” said ‘Danger Gun Tigress‘ of instagram fame. “Girls with guns are so IN right now… and it would be like, super cool, if I could win, too. Oh, and thanks FemDom Gunworks for my new bedazzled grips!”
An official list of all available “improved” categories is expected to be published by the end of 2017.